Buddhism and Divorce

Marriage and the family are basic institutions in all societies, whether primitive or modern. In Buddhism, unlike Christianity and Hinduism, marriage is not a sacrament. Although there are no vows or rituals involved in marriage, it is possible for Buddhist couples to divorce. However, divorce takes place when the conflicts are too serious. In this article we will present the important points to know about this divorce, including the causes, the consequences, the initiatives to take to avoid it and its progress among Buddhists.

How does Divorce happen in Buddhism?

In Buddhism, marriage is only a civil contract. Religion therefore does not enter into this domain. But, upon union, the couple has the opportunity to visit a monastery, offer food to the monastic community, recite the precepts and receive teachings from the Dharma. The bride and groom will also be able to obtain a blessing from the monks.

However, in the event of divorce, a liturgy is not performed. Monks do not participate in divorce proceedings. Such activity and service is not possible for them according to their ideology. During the procedure, we simply include all the texts or passages that the spouses signed during the union. Then, we would have to find an administrative inspiration who would be capable of undoing civil marriage.

A divorce is a time intended to terminate or break the agreements and the marriage contract as well as the commitments while respecting the agreements with the five precepts. The Buddha's ideas on this rupture are indefinite. For him, the disunity of a couple is like a civil matter, but not spiritual or religious.

He doesn't really have an opinion on divorce. He only gave suggestions on the behavior to have when getting married. You should therefore know that the practice of Buddhism does not really prohibit divorce in the literal sense of the term. It simply prohibits non-respect of the spouse. Furthermore, the question generally asked is that if marriage is blessed and permitted by Buddhist monks, is divorce also blessed and permitted?

Buddhism can be incorporated into certain ceremonial aspects of marriage. For example, we express wishes for success, prosperity and health. We read suttas for this purpose and recite mantras or magical formulas specially dedicated to this use. But this religion intervenes little on questions of divorce. Buddhist teaching educates couples to respect the rules of conduct of the sutta. This consists of following advice towards the path of wisdom, especially in terms of behavior towards one's spouse.

The sutta contains, for example, texts on the actions that a husband should not commit and those that he should undertake towards his wife and family. It also contains the acts that a wife should not commit and those she should undertake towards her husband and his family. These good acts are taught to avoid the divorce in question.

Divorce and Buddhism

According to Buddhist thought, divorce is a social and not a spiritual matter. This phenomenon has a greater impact on society than on Buddhism. Buddhists provide many tips to make life as a couple harmonious and full of happiness. They also ensure that spouses can find each other in peace and in good relationship through teachings.

But it happens that this balance is not possible and that the characters who are too antagonistic do not agree or no longer agree. When conflicts become too serious or serious, it is obvious that separation between the two is the only solution that Buddhists rally around. The latter accept with all humility the evidence that if the relational balance between two people is no longer there, the only way is to separate and change life partners.

On the other hand, in Asian countries, divorce is rather delicate, because marriage is more an act of family union, but not of the union of just two people.

The main reasons for divorce among Buddhists

All married couples want their union to last forever. However, it happens that after several years, their marriage no longer works and they end up divorcing. There are more than a third of divorced couples. All countries in the world are affected by this situation, even among Buddhists. The reasons are the same. The most common is infidelity.

Whether it's a one-night stand or a maintained double life, cheating on your partner remains by far the most important cause of divorce. It was by observing this that Buddha created the third precept, namely not to commit sexual misconduct, including adultery. This precept is intended for all Buddhists. They must respect it to be able to lead a life of joy and full of harmony. If every Buddhist couple followed this precept, there would be no divorce or suffering.

Then, the second cause of divorce is selfishness. By being individualistic and only thinking about yourself, you end up neglecting your partner. However, this lack of attention is very costly for married couples. The abandoned person will eventually get tired of it and file for divorce. It should be noted that selfish people are often liars.

To avoid spending time with their partner, they make up stories that they are not available. It is in the face of this that Buddha invites Buddhists to respect another precept. The latter invites Buddhists to give a sacred value to the word. Indeed, you must avoid lying. Moreover, always telling the truth is a source of trust which is the basis of the success of any marriage.

It must also be said that lying is an act of violence against others, because it condemns them to unreality. This prevents them from acting consciously. In the same way, he who lies harms himself, because he ends up becoming a slave to his own falsity. In the future or in the next life, he will get negative karma. The latter is the result of bad actions carried out in the past or in the present life.

Karma is created through thought, speech and action. Buddhism views life as a cycle of successive existences continuing eternally through life and death. The goal of all Buddhists is to achieve Nirvana which is a state of enlightenment. If one harms one's partner, reaching this state would be difficult.

In addition, if there are repetitive subjects in marital disputes, it is of course work and household money. These two points can be common causes of divorce. In this case, you must manage your finances well and organize your professional schedule to prevent the risk of a breakup. Finally, the incompatibility of everyone's schedules and habits can also be the source of many divorces. Indeed, some couples cannot agree on many points in daily life such as the education of children, how to manage expenses and many others. What we need to do to resolve this issue is to discuss together and find a compromise.

The consequences of divorce for the couple, for society and for Buddhist rules

There are many consequences of divorce that should be mentioned. For spouses, the impacts are more physical and direct. Divorce dissolves the marriage and completely severs the marital bond. After this separation, the wife no longer has the right to use her spouse's name. As soon as the divorce is agreed and officially pronounced, the ex-spouses must build a new life each on their own. In Buddhism, mutual consent must be broken if one wishes to enter into a second union. Thus, a new marital bond agreement is necessary, but in a civil and administrative manner only.

On a societal level, divorce has a very important aspect, namely, the other must not lose face or must not give the feeling of having lost face. This is a big, delicate issue about which we don't understand much. Depending on the social status of the families, official causes are put forward to justify the separation. Things can be experienced more or less well or, on the contrary, can give rise to resentment.

We have seen how arranged and concluded marriages present great stability in certain Asian countries. But more recent marriages can be much more fragile. Indeed, ephemeral feelings can mix with the interest of families and the action of certain members to promote certain unions. Divorce has a negative impact on the friendship relationship established between two families. Many Asian families establish their relationship through the bond of marriage.

As already mentioned above, marriage is not considered a religious ceremony in Buddhism. It is only a union founded by human relationships. It is for this reason that in the Buddhist East, no ceremonies or celebrations are performed. The couple involved can ask for a blessing and can have a party for friends and family to officially announce that they are living together, but no ceremony. This is why when the couple decides to separate, the Buddhist intention does not prohibit the act, but also does not encourage it. Divorce will not impact compliance with Buddhist regulations, as they do not approve or celebrate the union of two beings in marriage. In Buddhism, union and separation remain human and family acts.

How to avoid divorce among Buddhists?

In Buddhism, divorce received no religious sanction. However, in the absence of a Buddhist legal code comparable to the laws of Manu or the Sharia of Muslims, the dissolution of the marriage contract was regulated by the individuals concerned or their families. Even if divorce is permitted among Buddhists, this is not a reason for couples to reach this situation. There are ways to try to avoid it. For example, we should learn to communicate well and find a compromise and a solution together to resolve the problem.

If there are only two of us, we can definitely approach a Buddhist Monk. The latter can give some recommendations on the techniques that the couple should do to avoid divorce. For example, it encourages you to do a meditation. This practice is widely used by Buddhists. This helps calm the mind and body. Meditation also allows you to think very carefully about the best decision to make about divorce. If you want to improve your relationship, meditation would be the best way to be more compassionate and empathetic.

To meditate, you must start with breathing. This is the best way to better master the practice. Then, one of the ways to avoid divorce is to go on a spiritual retreat as a couple. Prayer is a great help. She can show the path to take and remove doubts. It is possible to go to a temple and ask Buddha for help. Afterwards, to implore the other person not to file for divorce, you must respect the fourth precept of Buddha, namely not to lie. Lies can easily kill a couple.

Moreover, to avoid divorce, each spouse must accept differences to ensure stability in the couple. We must also be ready to love and not just to be loved. Each person must give love to their partner so that the other can feel loved and happy. Generosity is one of the rules to follow in the Buddhist religion to avoid suffering. As long as one is not given over to suffering, one can be sure of reaching Nirvana.